Once upon a time, son,
they used to laugh with their hearts
and laugh with their eyes:
but now they only laugh with their teeth,
while their ice-block-cold eyes
search behind my shadow.

There was a time indeed
they used to shake hands with their hearts:
but that’s gone, son.
Now they shake hands without hearts
while their left hands search
my empty pockets.

‘Feel at home!’ ‘Come again’:
they say, and when I come
again and feel
at home, once, twice,
there will be no thrice-
for then I find doors shut on me.

So I have learned many things, son.
I have learned to wear many faces
like dresses – homeface,
officeface, streetface, hostface,
cocktailface, with all their conforming smiles
like a fixed portrait smile.

And I have learned too
to laugh with only my teeth
and shake hands without my heart.
I have also learned to say,’Goodbye’,
when I mean ‘Good-riddance’:
to say ‘Glad to meet you’,
without being glad; and to say ‘It’s been
nice talking to you’, after being bored.

But believe me, son.
I want to be what I used to be
when I was like you. I want
to unlearn all these muting things.
Most of all, I want to relearn
how to laugh, for my laugh in the mirror
shows only my teeth like a snake’s bare fangs!

So show me, son,
how to laugh; show me how
I used to laugh and smile
once upon a time when I was like you

Many of us can relate to this poem. But from which perspective do we choose to identify this? It it a lovely poem which speaks of the beauty of a childlike heart.

A father is speaking to his child. In a way, we see that the father sees himself in his child, and remembers how things used to be. There is a sense of reminiscence – thinking about the good things of the past with a tinge of sadness. For the father, the child becomes a symbol of innocence. The child is also a symbol of hope because the father realizes that the child is still without the hypocrisy of the world. When the father’s gaze falls upon the child, he remembers how things used to be; he sees the contrast between how things used to be and how things are.

The poem is essentially about then and now. And it is mostly about human intentions – the heart. We see how the father/narrator compares then and now throughout the poem. People used to be genuine and now they are fake.

Some useful words:

1. Genuine
2. Authentic
3. Honest
4. Deceptive
5. Superficial

On the other hand, the father seems to admit that he has also become hypocritical. He has also conformed to the way of the world – selfish and deceptive. Yet, looking at the child, he feels a profound sense of regret about becoming like that. He says that he wants to change.

TITLE

Once Upon a Time suggests the idea of time, especially time that is long gone. It adds a tone of a bygone era, like a fairytale, for many fairytales begin with this phrase. 

Stanza 1

The narrator says people used to laugh with their ‘hearts’ and ‘eyes’. Hearts and eyes suggest authenticity / genuine quality. The heart is used as a metaphor to indicate true intentions. It symbolizes what is underneath the exterior. So, laughing from the heart emphasizes the purity and lack of guile or underhand motives in the laughter. 

Even the idea of laughing with their ‘eyes’ captures true and pure intentions. There is a saying and a age-old belief that ‘The eyes are the window to the soul.’ (This is why in ‘Frankenstein’ they say the monster has no soul, because its eyes are clouded). So, laughing with the eyes highlights genuine laughter. Lines 2-3 establishes the past and how it used to be. Then, the 4th line begins with ‘but,’ an entry into the contrast. 

‘Laugh with their teeth, 
while their ice-block-cold eyes search behind my shadow.’

Laughing with teeth captures the shallowness of the laughter. Teeth is what you see when somebody laughs, which is the external manifestation of a gesture. It is the outside appearance. But the question the narrator implies is: ‘What is the intention of their laughter?’ Do they laugh because they genuinely are sharing in the joy, companionship or communion with the others, or is this laughter only a pretense to deceive others in order to gain a benefit? According to the narrator, even though their teeth are shown while they laugh, their eyes (which shows if the laugh is genuine) ‘search behind my shadow’. This shows that they are actively seeking something behind him – in a metaphorical sense, this can mean that these people are trying to find mistakes, faults or anything that they can find to hold against him. When it comes to Sri Lankan aunties (sorry – not sorry about the stereotype) this could even refer to gossip – the ones who smile and laugh at you with honeyed voices and smiling eyes even – but their minds are actively looking for anything they can notice to criticize you. Ask you parents – they will know 😉

Another key term the writer uses is ‘ice-block-cold eyes,’ which heightens the effect of the contrast. Laughing with someone’s eyes and someone’s eyes being colder than an ice block are polar opposites (complete opposites like the north and south pole). Coldness is used to refer to a lack of affection. Warmth is used to refer to kindness and goodness of the heart, while, coldness shows distance, and even maybe hostility. Therefore, this phrase shows the reader the lack of kindness in people.

Why is laughter mentioned in this stanza?

Can you laugh with someone that you don’t like? Can you laugh with someone that you hate? No. If you can, that will be a sarcastic laugh, or you will be laughing AT them, not WITH them. There is a big difference. Laughing with someone is both people agreeing on something that is funny, something that does not hurt either party. You are in agreement of what you find funny. You agree that it is acceptable and not harming to either of you to laugh about it. But, when you are laughing AT someone, that is a disrespectful laughter. You are laughing at their mistakes, shortcomings or something about them. They will not find it amusing, but will find it hurtful or make them angry. When you laugh with someone, it is different. Laughter is powerful because it brings two or more people into a certain equal frequency. There is an agreement and a certain vulnerability and trust when you laugh with someone – even with a stranger. Without genuineness, there is no true laughter. Therefore, this important social interaction of laughter has become just an empty gesture that is used as a tool, a strategic move, to display a sense of false respect of trust. Even in the second stanza, you see how the gesture remains but the meaning fades. 

Stanza 2

Even in stanza two, the writer follows the same structure – establishing how genuine people used to be, and how people are pretentious nowadays. Shaking hands with someone is a western gesture of goodwill and welcome towards another person. It is supposed to show a companionship, an acknowledgement and a sense of respect. However, even though the gesture is done, the intentions behind it is lacking genuineness in modern times.

And the writer goes on to say, that even while they shake hands now, they are searching his empty pockets – they are friendly only for their gain -wealth, treasures, money and maybe land, favours or whatever form it takes, the friendship that they show is only to gain favours from the others.

So, the first stanza is about laughter and the second stanza is about shaking hands.
Stanza 1 – LAUGHTER – HEARTS, EYES – now with TEETH, ICE-CLOCK-COLD-EYES and SEARCH BEHIND MY POCKET
Stanza 2 – SHAKING HANDS – HEARTS – now WITHOUT HEARTS – LEFT HANDS SEARCH MY EMPTY POCKETS

Stanza 3

Like mentioned earlier, the poem shows the discrepancy (difference) between the words, gestures and the actual intentions. In the third stanza, the writer uses words that we often hear from people when we visit them. The poet uses dialogue to add more familiarity and as a poem (poems were meant to be read out loud back in the days of Shakespeare and before), the tone of the poem feels more lively – this is also achieved by the exclamation mark placed after ‘Feel at home!’

Even though people invite you, you should not outstay your welcome – because people may find it awkward or rude to directly ask someone not to visit again. But, there is an important demographic (statistical data relating to the population and particular groups within it) side to the reality that the poet is pointing out. Back in the day, industrialization in the 1800’s made people move in droves (large numbers like herds) into the city in search of better employment (because as the factories began to open up at a massive scale, there were many employment opportunities that needed to be filled). So, many people from the villages moved to the towns – the cities became overcrowded, and since it is a new space, they did not know anyone around them – they had no idea who their neighbours were. They were a bunch of strangers for the most part, who have all come to the town to support their families financially. They had to look out for themselves. They could not trust the strangers that had come to the city like them. BUT – before large numbers of people started to shift to the city, the villages had a different way of operating. The people were more closely knit. They grew up together with the neighbours and they were there to help out each other. With years and years of familiarity, they had a trust that had developed in the village community, unlike in the cities. Even these days, you can still see this communal feeling in some areas of rural Sri Lanka – for example, my father talks about how they used to run around the neighbourhood playing with the other children, and sometimes even eat from their neighbouring, friends houses. For people to walk across the gardens of other peoples houses to get to a road was normal. The large fences and walls that we see nowadays in cities did not exist in the villages. They still don’t in most villages. But, with industrialization and other social and economic changes that have taken place in the world, people have become more individualized (in a sociological sense).

Now, we have a stricter sense of private space – rooms, walls, fences, and slogans like ‘my car, my petrol,’ or ‘my body, my choice,’ and other ideas of a more individualized society, as opposed to a collective and communal responsibility. So, it is no surprise that people in the post-industrialized (after industrialization) world prefer to stay within their borders, without getting too attached to the neighbours or the community. This is why the narrator says that after the second visit, the doors are shut on him (this is to indicate that he is not welcome to visit anymore). Honestly speaking though, even I would not want neighbours flooding into my house too often and prying their nose into our business. That’s the downside of having a communal society – they tend to criticize or interfere with your life.

Stanza 4

Stanza 4 introduces a new idea to the poem; it is something we can all relate to. The stanza continues with the concept known as performativity. It is the idea that we change, or adjust our behaviour according to the situation, surrounding or people in order to maintain our social image. Just like the discussion above, it highlights the gap between the reality and the pretentious behaviour. It brings out the lack of genuineness in society.

The phrase ‘I have learned many things, son,’ shows that the behaviours he mentions are not innate or inherent in his DNA or biological make-up. They are things that he learnt from society. They are things that he picked up from others – maybe his own parents, colleagues and others.

He uses the image of faces and dresses to clarify the point he wants to make about how people behave like shape-shifters. The verb ‘wear’ many faces highlights the fact that our face (this stands for the behaviour and the way we present ourselves)has become a confusing mix of different faces that we wear. The father says these faces are like dresses. Why does he use that verb ‘wear’ and the appropriate metaphor of ‘dress?’ He is exploring the idea that we are hiding something from people when we are at home, office, street, when we act as host, or when we are at a party (cocktailface). When we wear a face, we are wearing a mask. We are masking something that is hidden behind. We are keeping our actual face as a secret. We are not being genuine. We don’t show our actual identity to the world, but we decide what kinds of identities we want to show to people in different settings.

When you are at home, you speak to parents a certain way, you speak to your friends a certain way, you speak to your teachers a certain way and you speak at the church or temple in a certain way. In front of your pastor, priest or monk, you act like a saint – same in front of your parents, but maybe a little more rebellious. In front of your teachers you behave a certain way -in front of your crush, you act a certain way. We put on different identities / masks / dresses according to the situation and surrounding. We conform (adjust in such a way that it fits the accepted way) our behaviour according to the space. An interesting point in the poem is that the writer mentions ‘homeface’ as well. This indicates that even at home we are wearing a certain face, hiding our true selves; this shows how deeply the masks affect our true identity.

The phrase ‘like a fixed portrait smile’ shows how the smiles have all become like a portrait. Portraits are inanimate captures of people. There is no life in a portrait – the father is trying to emphasize the fact that people’s smiles have become so lacking in authenticity. They are fixed, without movement. The death of authenticity is hinted at in these lines.

Stanza 5

This stanza basically shows how the narrator, the father, himself have learned. The verb ‘learned’ is repeated here to show that it is something that he picked up as life went along, as he grew up. Something he acquired through society. This shows that the pressure to conform to the ways of our society is strong – sometimes, to survive in this world, we have to bend to its rules, or we will break. However, the father realizes that this conformity to the ways of society is fragmenting his identity. Fragmenting, because he is trying to act, wear different roles and masks, faces, and in the process, he becomes a mix, a confusion of many identities and masks fused together. In the process, he can forget his actual identity – who he truly is.

Stanza 6

Stanza 6, the father tells his son his desire to be genuine again. In this stanza we realize, that growing up has made him change the way he lived and behaved. While growing up, he has learnt to put on masks that fit the occasion and hides his true thoughts and identity. He admits that he wants to unlearn those behaviours. Unlearning is more difficult than learning something. After years and years of learning and practicing something, those behaviours and thought patterns become etched (engraved) in our minds so much so that they become automatic responses. So, unlearning these long practiced behaviours of wearing masks or faces, will be challenging and take time. Another important phrase the poet uses is ‘muting things.’ Muting captures the idea of silencing. The pressure to wear faces and conform to the behavioural patterns expected in different spaces makes a person withhold his or her true opinions and identity. This can apply to gender as well. A girl who is highly educated and has strong leadership qualities might be seen as rude or bossy by some people. Therefore, she will have to keep some of her behaviours bottled up. Her thoughts and opinions may be silenced. This is just one example.

The phrase ‘snake’s bare fangs!’ used to describe the narrator’s smile is a powerful image. Snakes are known as a symbol of deception and betrayal. The father admits/confesses that he has become such a person. Not only that, the bare fangs shows the venom, or the hostility and the maliciousness that he hold withing him.

Stanza 7

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